Tuesday, August 30, 2011

In fear

"WHAT WAS THAT?" I yelled out in the middle of the night. Sweat was dripping down my chest. I was taking in deep breathes. All I could think about was the possibility of a murderer could be standing outside of my window, or maybe even outside the door to my apartment. 

This is my life. I live in fear of what could possibly happen to me. If a friend asks me go out to have a drink or go see a movie, I make up some lame excuse on how I cannot go. That was years ago though. I don't think a friend has asked me to go out in like three years. Why don't I go out? Well because I have lived my life in fear ever since I was a little child, and I was kidnapped by a stranger. So now, every time someone knocks on my door, or if I am out on the streets, I think that they are a murderer plotting a way to kill me. I mean you can't trust anyone can you? You don't know what they could be planning or doing.

I am also terrified of driving. I could be the safest driver in the world, but yet their could be a drunk-ass man out there driving and he could hit me a kill me like a little bug on a windshield. So what do I do right? I can't leave to go anywhere, well I don't leave actually at all unless I need food. I run an online store in my apartment, and I take online courses for college to advance my education further and further. I leave my apartment only for food, and only if it is absolutely necessary. I think the last time I left was about a month ago now. I stock up on canned goods, ramen noodles, and lots of food that can last awhile so I can buy in stock and not go out as often. 

My entertainment is just watching TV, movies on Netflix, and maybe some video gaming (I buy all my gadgets and thing on Amazon.com, so they are shipped straight to my door). Oh that's not always the best though because I do not trust the man that comes to the door. What if he is broke, depressed because his wife now wants a divorce, so he brought a gun to kill me and take all my money? God scary moment everything a delivery guy comes. I hate it.

You make think I am crazy right? I am not though. I want to live for a long time and not be killed, so I decided to live my life in fear. All of this because of that guy who kidnapped me when I was only 12 years old. Before that I used to go up to random people and say, "Hi, how are you today sir?" I used to go out with my friends, and be the life of the party . . . what has happened with my life? Isn't better to live life to it's fullest instead of living it in fear. I have no life instead of a life like every other human being out their. I sit at home all day and everyday sitting in front of a computer screen running a online store. 

There is a gun sitting on my night stand, and I say to myself, "Why not right? Do it Jessica, I don't have a life anyway!" So I pull the trigger and . . . . ring ring. . . . ring ring. . . Wait guns don't go ring ring right? 



My phone on my nightstand next to my bed it ringing and moving across the surface of the nightstand. I realize it was just dream, a dream of me realizing that my life is a piece of shit. I grab the phone and hit the green button. "Hello Jessica, this is Rachel. You probably don't remember me, but we used friends a long time ago. I was thinking about you today, and was wondering if maybe you wanted to catch a drink and catch up?" 

Oh my god it's Rachel I haven't talked to her in years. "Oh hey Rachel. Ummm . . . I was sleeping . . ." I pause, then say, "but yes I would love that. You know where that bar on Herman's Avenue is right?" I thought it was time I had started not living my life in fear, but living it to the fullest. 

This has been a fictional story by Noah Bitney 

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